Doula observations

The Lessons Kids Teach Us

I have always heard that children mimick what they see. In the midst of my postpartum depression, which often manifests as rage, I fear greatly for the lessons I’m teaching my children about how to deal with feelings. I fear for their worldview, because a mommy should be the safest thing in the world, but I’m simply not when I’m like that.

Well, my children astound me. They blow me away with how smart and resilient they are. My three year old, NJ, uses terms like “that is frustrating me” or “I need a minute to not be angry right now“. My one year old, AM, will bury her face in the ground to scream, and then hug whoever she was upset with.

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We’re not perfect. They still fight, they still drive me crazy, and they definitely still act their ages. But they teach me something every day. Today, it was as simple as NJ saying, “Mommy, is mine sister screaming because she thinks it will make me smile? She smiled when I screamed loud yesterday, right? I think I will smile for her.”

Let me repeat that: “I think I will smile for her”. It’s what I do when I am having a bad day, but not something I ever thought about, except in terms of what I should do to be a “good mom”.

My goal today is not just to do as I “should”. My goal today is to smile for my girls.

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(Selfies aren’t so easy when you’re 1 and 3!)

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